“Cold Inside”
Not-A-Musical Horror Parody (ish) Flash Fiction.
Written By,
Alli Price
(written 29th May 2013 4am)
The room was bathed in a cold white light, throwing the decapitated corpse laying in front of the looming silver fridge into stark relief. The blood had pooled beneath it and there was little chance anyone would actually move it to clean it up any time soon, which was a shame as whoever did so would be reunited with 2 frozen chips, 3 peas, the magnetic letter “F” and the shrivelled corpses of several spiders. There was a smear in the blood as if the door had been opened since the decapitation, but it was closed now.
Danica walked into the room and slipped in the blood, smacking her head on the corner of the fridge.
“Ow! Shit! How the hell did the fridge get over here?”
She froze as two realisations hit her head on, narrowly missing her growing headache. Firstly, that wasn’t her fridge. For a start, her fridge was white and for another thing her fridge had never managed to look so self-satisfied. Secondly, there was a decapitated body laying in front of it. Her feet pedalled uselessly in the slippery pool of blood as she tried to get herself away from it. Finally getting purchase, she scooted backwards only to smack the back of her head on another fridge. She whipped her head round, sending shards of pain through her brain, and saw her familiar white fridge. But something wasn’t right. Surely it couldn’t be the fridge that was quietly humming “Ice, Ice baby”? That was new. So new that she completely forgot the rising urge to scream.
She looked at the body again and wondered who on earth it was, why they had been in her kitchen, and more importantly, who had lopped their head off?
The sinister humming got a little louder. She had to be imagining it. She moved over to the body on her hands and knees, and as she got closer to the unfamiliar silver monstrosity she noticed the magnetic letters on the door, neatly arranged to read:
”TAPE AT SPEED, SOUND BOY”.
Sound boy? Was that… Chris laying there, missing his head?! And was he actually missing it that much?
The message made Danica think he must have been killed by a rabid DoP who had read his Twitter conversations. She had to admit, if that was true she could see the point, though the reaction was a little extreme. The editing room can fix so much. And what use was a sound guy with no ears? And no head to put them on for that matter.
She turned back to her own fridge only to find it wasn’t there.
“I’m going crazy. That’s what it is. Oh hang on, it can’t be… I did that YEARS ago.”
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of a car being revved to death in her driveway.
“Oh great. Weird, singing appliances, a headless corpse and now my car’s being stolen! Well, not tonight it’s not!” she thought, and ran outside to protect her pool signage.
She reached the door just in time to see her car being driven by… her fridge, goddamit! The angry singing fridge crunched straight over Alli, bursting her head and spreading her brains over the Jaws signage. Danica could tell from there that Alli was no more.
“Such a shame. Now she’ll never get to see “The Dinner Guest” and she was really looking forward to it too. Probably the No1 Fan really” she said to herself as she picked up Alli’s towel and swimming costume, absently using them to wipe the gobs of grey tissue from her precious sign.
As she turned to go back to the carnage that was her kitchen, she saw the silver fridge in the doorway with its door wide open. There on the shelf was Chris’s head with the boom mic in the surprisingly clean cut where it had been separated from his body.
It was quickly becoming clear her house had been invaded by homicidal sentient fridges that couldn’t sing. This time she was really in trouble. But instead of heading in her direction, she watched in disbelief as the fridge slammed its door and lumbered awkwardly to the jeep parked on the street. Her eyes widened as it seemed to levitate itself over the roll bar and into the driving seat. The engine spluttered into life and the speakers blared out “Thin Ice”. The fridge went up in her estimation a little, despite its weirdness and horrific actions. After all, anything that listened to Pink Floyd couldn’t be ALL bad. The fridge threw her a mighty death stare and the jeep roared off after her own fridge in her stolen car.
”Two angry singing fridges in a car chase. That’s a new one on me. Hmmm. I wonder if the guys at
Excited by the thought, she ran back inside to write turn it into a movie pitch. Chris’s corpse could wait. This had CULT CLASSIC written all over it!
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Now if you're not a character in this story and you love great horror movies, please follow the link below in the text, watch the teaser video and support a REAL horror story in getting to screen!
Sharing their link is wonderful, Funding is devine!
that was really good and very funny. enjoyed reading it
ReplyDeleteThank you - glad you liked it :)
ReplyDeleteHaha great stuff Alli! Who'd have thought there could be homicidal zombified fridges!
ReplyDeleteAn imagination that could quite easily match the best writers in the business.
Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words Simon. I'm not up there, but it's lovely that my spoof horror affected you that way. Thanks for reading :)
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